The Way of Forgiveness
A few years ago, I lost my father.
Like many, I was a teenager, then a wounded young woman, hidden behind a protective veil that I had created. Maybe so that he doesn't let my sadness and lack of love show through. Especially to protect me from further pain ... And for so many years, I have been unable to really empathize with any adult, unable to trust, unable to truly love.
Then came that day when I saw my dad on his hospital bed. He was in serious condition and when I asked him how he was, dignified, as he always wanted to be, almost convinced by his words, he said, "I'm fine."
In a split second it became clear to me that whoever had ignored my need for attention and affection for so long was making a point of ignoring his own pain and discomfort. He had done so many times before, drowning his sorrows in so many ways and making sure he looked good wathever the circusmtances. I thought, "Even though I hold a grudge, no one, absolutely no one deserves to suffer in this way." In front of my whole family, I heaved a sigh of pain and burst into tears, loud and uncontrollable sobs ...
I cried for long minutes, embarrassed and also aware that something had happened, a door opened in my heart: that of Forgiveness.
This experience transformed my existence. I accompanied my father with infinite tenderness during the last weeks of his life. I became able to love, to feel empathy and deep gratitude on a daily basis. I received the immense gift of forgiveness, for myself and for others.
Feeling resentment or hatred is natural and very understandable.
But it stands to reason that these negative emotions, if they persist, are a poison that infiltrates us, which can alter our mental or physical health (eg, opening the door to dark energies that can interfere with our proper functioning. and our evolution).
To free ourselves from it, we must be able to:
* recognize that rehashing, awakening the memory of the events that struck us, constantly rekindles pain; that by reliving the offense, we are harming ourselves;
* admit the hurt inflicted, the need within us that may not have been expressed but was not met, and the grieving over an expectation we carried;
* accept our anger;
* admit that we have not been able to defend ourselves, protect ourselves from this injury and forgive ourselves for it.
One key to liberation is trying to understand our offender. It is not a question of exonerating him but rather of trying to understand what is his driving force. What dictates his way of acting: The need to humiliate? To dominate? To enhance his ego? Regardless, it is possible to anchor in us that our offender has his own limits and that his behavior towards us has been dictated by his wounds, his beliefs, his prejudices, his old patterns ...
It is then also possible to understand that we should not make it a personal matter and that the act of harming, whether the offender is aware of it or not, speaks only of himself. Of himself.
It is also then possible to stop judging him and to put events at a distance.
Finally, how can we learn positive lessons and use that pain to evolve? That we have learned to know ourselves better, to depend less on the consideration of others, to say “no”, to defend ourselves better,…?
What prevents us from forgiving are sometimes beliefs:
* To forgive is to forget: To learn the different lessons from the event, from the pain, is to grow and it is anything but to forget. But that's opening the door to letting go.
* To forgive would mean to be reconciled: To be reconciled or not is a choice that is not necessarily linked to the path of forgiveness.
* To forgive would mean giving up our rights: To have our rights respected is to respect ourselves, even if we have made the choice to forgive.
To take the path of forgiveness (for ourselves or for others)
is to offer our soul the gift of lightness and that of Love:
Open our hearts and forgive our mistakes ’(which are more like life experiences and so many opportunities to learn), stop judging ourselves, take care of ourselves, look at us tenderly.
Slowly, stop judging others:
observe, understand, let slip, look with benevolence,
recognize in them our own weaknesses, welcome with humility, be able to comfort, ...
recognize our indelicacy and our mistakes, ask for forgiveness, be moved by reconciliation, savor the happiness of authenticity ...
Let gentleness and love take its place in our heart and with it, joy, peace and gratitude ...
Raise our consciousness and let the light shine from our soul for the greater good of all ...