Amylianah, who I am...

I have no degree or diploma to boast of. 

I didn't graduate from a prestigious school of Philosophy, Theology, 

or Metaphysics. No. 

My path is the journey of a hypersensitive and compassionate soul 

that has never stopped searching. 

I was born in May 1968, on Ascension Day. 

I wanted to see it as a good omen.I was a well-behaved and quiet little girl. I don't remember my mother ever holding me. When, at age six, I had the mumps with a fever, she carried on with her routine, went to work, and left me home alone. My father, always very busy, would, perhaps out of fear, instinctively lose his temper and shout at me when, after a fall, for example, I really needed comfort. My brother and I were raised with a martinet, and yet, what hurt me most was the lack of tenderness, affection, and attention. I cherished the rare moments I could sit on my father's lap and those when Mariette, who came to clean the house and look after us, gave me a little of her time to teach me to snap my fingers and whistle like a boy! I was five years old. She was a widow and lived alone in a small worker's cottage. I saw her difficulty walking. I saw her poverty. If I could have, I would have given her all the gold in the world. 

Around the age of nine, I ended up in an all-girls school. I observed the groups formed in the class: the leader, the second-in-commands, the followers, and then, the outcasts. I belonged to neither group, but I was an excellent student. So, I received my share of animosity for that reason. I watched this charade and couldn't understand the malice. Whether it was directed at me or someone else made no difference. I was alone and sad. 

In adolescence, everything became more complicated. My father started drinking. My brother became a withdrawn teenager with extremist views. And my mother still hadn't found a way to listen or show empathy. The daughter of a teacher and always a very good student, I carried my sorrow like a burden day after day. I would look at the flowers, the birds, and the insects, moved to tears. I knew how fragile this beauty was and how much it was damaged by humankind. I was lost. I felt like I'd landed on the wrong planet. I had dark thoughts. More than once. But I also knew I had great strength within me.

From time to time, I went to church alone to find a little light. I seriously considered becoming a nun. However, I was convinced that, statistically speaking, I didn't really have much chance of finding more kindness in a convent than anywhere else. So, I gave up on the idea. 

On my 20th birthday, 

I solemnly promised myself that I would find the path to happiness. 

I would never again have dark thoughts. 

There was a meaning to all of this, and I was going to find it.

I had a lot of difficulty choosing my university studies. I was good at everything, but only the visual arts truly interested me. I simply didn't have enough self-confidence to dare to embark on that path, and I also knew that I risked being plunged into a world of arrogance, pretension, even snobbery, and I wouldn't be able to bear it. I ended up studying communication, which is a way of not really choosing. And I found a job in a cultural center where I gave my all with great joy and satisfaction for several years. 

Since I hadn't learned to trust until then, my priority was to save myself, to protect myself from financial worries, and to never depend on anyone, especially not a man. So, at 25, I bought and renovated a small house in the city on my own. 

As a sensitive young woman, I had several hurtful experiences with doctors: One general practitioner decided I was depressed. I had suffered from emotional fatigue several times, but never from depression. Another, a specialist who couldn't identify the cause of my digestive problems, suggested to my parents that they invite me to rest for a while in the psychiatric ward of the nearest hospital… Psychiatric wards are full of “overly sensitive” women, who are sometimes also labeled “hysterical”… Often dissatisfied with the answers provided by traditional medicine, I chose early on to turn to osteopathy and microkinesitherapy. 

At 28, I got married, and a year later my daughter was born. I couldn't wait to cradle her, cherish her, and cuddle her. I had so much tenderness and love to give. Even when she was in my womb, I knew it. She was pushing me away as if she were too cramped. This little girl was born with so much anger that she didn't cry, she screamed. She never liked cuddles, not just mine. She's a very intelligent little girl, very/too calm, solitary and sensible, but quick-tempered. I learned to love her day by day. When she was five months old, her father implied that I was hurting her badly. It was like a knife to the heart. Perhaps the greatest wound a human being could inflict on me. I was bewildered by her crying, but I've always been a very caring mother. I didn't need any more guilt. Back then, having a child meant starting a family, the path to fulfillment for a woman, and happiness for a couple. Daring to talk about the difficulties we encountered was considered sacrilege. That very day, my husband and I separated. 

To avoid having to rely on babysitters for my daughter while working evenings, I changed jobs. I didn't see the warning signs, the ones that told me I was about to make a bad choice and end up at the mercy of harassing colleagues. 

I found myself alone with my daughter. Without a husband. I had left a job I loved and abandoned my entire social network. And because I could never stay in a situation where my self-worth wasn't respected, I did everything I could to leave this new job and its toxic environment. 

Thirty years old. The void. The profound despair. 

It was time for a real choice. A fresh start. 

It was supposed to be the first day of the rest of my life. 

I had read an article in a magazine where a children's entertainer talked about her work. That was it, that's what I wanted to do, without a doubt. I packed my little kit and went back to school to become a children's activity leader. I thought a lot about which direction to take. It's easy enough to know what doesn't interest us, but much harder to find the right path… Drawing, painting, sculpting… All the art techniques to explore with children were obvious, but how? In what setting? 

At the same time, I started psychotherapy, which marked the beginning of a long process of conscious work—SEE the article on "Conscious Work" and the one entitled "Freeing Ourselves from Our Beliefs"—I did everything I could to understand my sensitivity, my strengths, my wounds, and to heal them… Just when I thought I'd exhausted all possibilities, a new pain would surface from the past or the present. This work never ends. Never. Not even today. It's the quest for WHO I AM, for my inner truth, by transcending my pain step by step. 

Along this path, I discovered THE book that changed my life: "The Guiding Mind: Conversations with Karlfried Dürckheim." Since Dürckheim, like me, was born into a Christian culture (though he also studied Zen Buddhism), his words resonated deeply with me. He speaks of our divine essence… It was as if, before reading him, I was swimming—struggling—beneath the surface of the water, and that after reading his book, I could finally breathe. A profound relief. A revelation. An awakening. The starting point of a great spiritual journey. 

I then dedicated my energy to achieving my full potential: building a fulfilling living environment, creating work that fully reflects who I am, in perfect harmony with my personality, my values, my creative energy… I chose as my new haven a charming stone house, in need of renovation, in the countryside, surrounded by a very large garden. After another failed relationship, I decided to clear out one room, then two, then three, to organize creative workshops. I started with children. I wanted to welcome each child with the utmost kindness and attention, to give them confidence in themselves and their creative abilities, to spread joy, and to reconnect with my inner child and let it sing—SEE the article titled “Awakening Our Inner Child.” I then opened workshops for older children and, after improving my technical skills, others for adults. 

Expressed this way, it seems so simple, as if it all came naturally. Of course not… A thousand times I was overwhelmed by doubt and wanted to give up. But I couldn't. I knew I was on the right track, but I constantly had to learn to cope with new relationship challenges: a problematic situation to manage with a particular child, or a misunderstanding with a certain adult…

I started practicing Tai Chi and Qigong. I gradually acquired knowledge in the fields of aromatherapy, gemmotherapy, and Bach flower remedies… I built myself a small altar in my room where I regularly meditated, calling upon the guidance of my spirit guides. All these forms of support have been, and still are, invaluable ways to restore my physical, emotional, and energetic balance. I also explored Reiki and yoga, without truly connecting with either. Everyone has their own sensitivity and can refine their senses to discover which paths are most beneficial for them. 

After several years of trial and error, adjustments, and hard work, success finally arrived. Participants responded to the call and stayed, often for several years. A wonderful warmth filled each workshop. There was enthusiasm, pure joy.

But also, and above all, deep within me, it was... Happiness. 

I had kept the promise I had made to myself at 20. 

I had finally found the meaning of my presence here. I felt whole. 

I radiated fully, my heart wide open, 

in perfect harmony with Earth and Sky. 

Meanwhile, in 2007, I lost my father—SEE the article on the "Path of Forgiveness"—Locked in my mistrust, I never imagined how deeply accompanying him in his final weeks would affect me. The armor that carefully protected my heart cracked, a torrent of tears poured forth, and with it, the possibility of forgiveness arose. Is it a coincidence that three years later, when I no longer felt the need to meet a life partner, I opened the door to True Love: the one who is all at once my lover, my partner, my best friend, and my protector.

In 2019, I was beginning to lose momentum with the workshop project, and suddenly, just when I thought I was no longer likely to experience great pain, I collapsed: my daughter chose, overnight and without explanation, to leave home and move in with my mother. Faced with my disagreement, they both decided to cut off all discussion and sever ties. No further ado. I know my daughter never accepted my boyfriend's arrival in the family home, but our constant kindness and support towards her, both of us, left me completely bewildered. My heart broke. I was overwhelmed by an immense pain that I struggled to overcome. 

So I resumed my search for ways to soothe my body, heart, and soul. I discovered quantum meditations – SEE the article entitled “Freeing Ourselves from Our Beliefs” – and Tantra at a “Sacred Love Summit” that I attended with my husband. It was through discovering Divine Union that I experienced the Awakening of my Kundalini – SEE the article on “Divine Union” –. Then, as if called by it, I quickly immersed myself in shamanism, which proved to be a natural path. My priority was to undertake shamanic journeys for myself to the Spirits of Nature – SEE the article on “The Faculty of Self-Healing and Shamanism” –. After a few weeks of practice, I felt a profound change, a newfound inner peace. I also felt that my vibrational frequency, sustained by regular Kundalini awakenings, had increased. 

I was surprised by how easily I was able to communicate with my shamanic power animals. If this is the case, it is undoubtedly because I had cleared a great many wounds, pushed the conscious work very far, and experienced the awakening of my kundalini. 

In January 2021, during a shamanic journey, I met my celestial spirit guides. They informed me that I had made what is called the "quantum leap" and that it was time to move forward on the path of shamanism in service to others and spiritual mastery. I asked what was expected of me. The answer was very simple: "Never forget that it is about radiating and meditating for Gaia and for Humanity." So I decided to meditate every day for Gaia. 

Then, the most improbable thing happened… During my first meditation, instinctively, I let myself drift, as if on a shamanic journey, to meet the Spirit of the Earth, Gaia. I glimpsed her. She was there, tiny in the twilight. I sat before her, trying to give her all the light energy I could muster. After two or three days, I noticed that her vibrational frequency had increased. And I heard a voice tell me: “If many of you did this, you could save the Earth…” For several weeks, very regularly, I went to her bedside to activate a bubble of light around her and offer her tender love in the hope that she could transmit it to Humanity. 

Since then, my vibrational frequency has increased even further, which, from the point of view of the physical body, is not very pleasant (a lot of aches, pains, and headaches). At that time, I received the great privilege of being able to communicate ever more easily with the Celestial Guides, primarily Ascended Masters, whose precious and absolutely luminous messages you can read. 

I regularly cleanse places charged with dark energy and open portals of light. I know it's very strange, but it's my new job… 

I live peacefully with my husband in harmony with our wonderful garden. We have transformed it into a place of abundance with numerous fruit trees and small fruit trees, and several vegetable plots where we grow our own vegetables. We also do everything we can to encourage biodiversity: insects, birds, hedgehogs… 

If I could save all endangered species, I would.

I would give everything. 

I would give my life for Gaia. 

Amylianah